Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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