I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
