he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
