Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
do nipples grow back?
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