she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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