I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
