I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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