Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
