i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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