i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
