let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
