So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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