Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
