Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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