so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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