Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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