Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
