i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
