I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
