I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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