Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
