Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
