Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
