So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
