I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
