happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
