Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
