but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
