oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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