i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize