just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
