am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
someone owes me an orgasm
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
