All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
