I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
