shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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