I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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