There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
