butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
