Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he thought i was a dude.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
