I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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