WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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