$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
