Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
