I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
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Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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