so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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