I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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