I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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