its not stalking. its research.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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