cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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