this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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