That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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