Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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