I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
