I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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