Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
