Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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