I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
