you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
