dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are we still banned from the library?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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