every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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