Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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